Heat
by SnitterSense
Summary: The Doctor is trying to keep Rose away from him because he believes himself to be a monster. While trying to explain this to her, he reflects on shadows of the past and wonders what his true feelings for Rose really are. 1/Rose, 9/Rose, 10/Rose. One-shot


**So I'm just in a really bad mood today. Actually I've just been in a really bad mood this whole week. See, it's only a day before finals and I've just been stressed out for my geometry and biology finals. **

**Not only that, but I haven't seemed to click with my English class all year, and…I'm not looking forward to that test. (which is tomorrow)**

**And then I've just been losing my patience way more easily lately, and I just hate getting pissed off at people. **

**I don't want to start ranting, because that's not what this site is for. So here's the story.**

**Just please read it if you want. This is more of a de-stresser than anything else. **

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Doctor Who. If I did, I'd make Moffet seem like Santa Claus, so be thankful.**

_**HEAT**_

_**By The TARDIS Wolf**_

* * *

"Doctor," the word echoed in his ears. He shut his eyes and felt words roll off his tongue, soft and inaudible. No one but he could understand them anyway even if they were audible.

He could feel her soft brown eyes looking at him. She didn't understand; she would never understand.

"There are so many things that you don't know about me," he said dully, watching the TARDIS wall as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"But I don't have to know everything about you. I trust you, and that's enough."

But he knew there was more. Oh, she was so obvious. Stupid little humans and their petty love, they didn't understand one thing when it came to it. She tried to hide her feelings from him for the longest time now.

It was all to no avail. She didn't remember that he had a strong sense of smell. He could sense her attraction ever since the time she got on the ship. Of course over time, it grew stronger. And it was his fault.

He had gotten jealous of that boy and just about every male human that ever got on the ship. He kept her on the TARDIS like a prisoner and his possession. He was a Time Lord. He didn't need anything more than to just see her.

He had invited her on the ship, sparked her curiosity and flirted with her. He would imagine her and daydream about her while he let her sleep. He was not human, his mind and wild imaginings of her would suffice.

And then he changed, literally. He was not the gruff, stiff man with a daft old face. Neither was he ginger. He now appeared younger to her and was more excitable and rude. And everything that satisfied him before was gone. He needed more. And he felt now that he couldn't help himself.

But then he realized what he had done to her. He had changed her, simply by having her with him. Most of it was for the good. She had told him that now she felt that she had a purpose; that she can now give back to the world, the universe. Now she didn't feel like she was wasting her life. That was what he felt good about.

The other part that changed her was what she didn't tell him, what she didn't need to tell him. The feelings that he sensed off of her became more than attraction. It was what humans thought was love.

And this truth drove him to despair. She couldn't love him. There was no way that she could love him. He could never love her back.

What many would have mistaken for love from him was actually an animal instinct. It was a feeling of protectiveness for her, or more of an over protectiveness. It was more of what male earth animals would feel during heat when finding a mate. But she wasn't his mate. It wasn't healthy for her to be here.

He remembered back to a time, many previous lives ago, when he had felt love. _She _had soft ginger hair that shined in the sunlight. _She _had been loving and kind to all of those around her, even those that he would rather her not to. _She _had been the mother of his children. _She _had a spirit as fiery as her hair and wouldn't take no for an answer when he claimed it was too dangerous. _She _was the first person to travel with him in the TARDIS. _She _was the first person to die in his arms. _She _was the first person he had shed a tear for. And then _she _regenerated into a young woman with blonde hair.

The regeneration had gone wrong and the Doctor didn't know what to do. At first _she_ had gone to sleep and he had carried _her_ to their room, setting _her_ on the bed. _She_ had been asleep for such a long time, and then _her _eyes opened. _Her _eyes met his. _She_ looked petrified.

"Doctor," _she_ had said in a new voice. It was a cockney accent, which he couldn't seem to get used to. "I'm dying."

"No," his voice cracked. "No, you're not going to die. Darling, you'll be fine. It's just your first time regenerating."

_She _wouldn't listen to him. _She_ only shook her head slightly. Another tear slid down his face.

"Please," he begged. "Stay with me."

"I can't."

And then, he could feel his palms become sweaty. His heart began racing faster. His eyes narrowed.

"No," he said with an angered conviction. "I won't let you."

And then he leaned in, giving _her_ a tender kiss. He felt a bit of his regeneration power leaving him, but he didn't care. _She _needed to be safe.

_Stop_, a voice in his head commanded.

He broke away from _her_.

_Who are you?_ His mind asked

_You stole me, remember. I'm the TARDIS._

He looked about angrily. _Well this is a nice time to speak up! My wife is dying. I don't have time for this. _

He heard what he thought was a sigh in his mind. _I have what you need to save her. It is not her time yet. Come to the console room. _

The Doctor was sure that he could trust the TARDIS enough to do this one thing. What else could be done?

_This is the only way to save her, please don't be angry with me. _

_As long as you save her_, the Doctor thought.

He set _her _down beside the console and waited. He felt the TARDIS hum and purr for a few minutes, and then suddenly, it happened.

A piece of the floor sprung open and what appeared to be yellow smoke billowed from the gap.

_Stand back, Doctor!_

The smoke enveloped _her _and took all the Doctor's strength to not rush to her.

After only a few moments the smoke cleared and returned to the gap. All that was left were her clothes and a small fob watch. He lifted the clothes off to reveal a tiny human baby. He picked up the baby, then leaned down and picked up the watch. He examined it, seeing a pattern of roses along with the Gallifreyan symbols. Then he understood what the TARDIS wanted him to do.

A voice spoke to him from the watch, repeating the same seven words.

_Don't set me free. Let her live._

At the time, he didn't completely understand the meaning. But now that he was looking at Rose Tyler, he did.

He sighed, still not looking at Rose. "It's not enough Rose, it's never enough. I'm not… human. You can't love me. You don't understand how my mind works, how my senses, my emotions, work. Your human mind can't comprehend it all."

The air was silent behind him.

"I know," he said simply, knowing that she would understand what he meant.

Her voice was a mixture of relief and anxiety. "How long have you known?"

And then he finally turned to face her. "Since the moment I told you to run."

Then she leapt into his arms. This time was different than the other times that they hugged. This time she ran her hands through his spikey, brown hair and began kissing him. He was a bit surprised at first but then he wrapped his arms tightly around her, as though protecting her from an outside force and stopped her by pressing his lips to hers.

And soon, they were pressed against the wall. About a thousand things were going on in his mind and he didn't know where to begin.

But then she gave him that fear-stricken look that he was so used to.

"Get away from me," she said angrily, pushing him away so forcefully that he fell over backwards. He looked up at her. Anger burned in her eyes.

"Is that all you think of me? Am I just an object to you?"

But he couldn't answer her, because he didn't know the answer himself.

* * *

The Doctor woke, sweat dripping off his forehead.

Rose was gone; she had been gone for weeks now. In his waking hours, he was able to easily forget about her, but he was tortured by her in his nightmares. And all of them always ended the same.

He sighed. It was one of the many reasons he didn't sleep as much as his human companions. Timelords only needed about one or two hours of sleep. He used to sleep for two hours. Now he only slept for one.

Someone knocked on his door.

"What is it, Martha?" he called, not making a move to get out of bed.

"I…um… heard someone whimpering in there when I walked past." They both knew who was whimpering, but neither wanted to admit it. "Doctor, are you all right?"

"Yeah," he answered after a pause. "I'm always alright."

He could hear Martha hesitate at the door, but then finally heard her footsteps go back to her room.

He sighed, thinking about _her_ again. He had loved _her_ and would always love _her_.

But he didn't love Rose Tyler, even now that she was gone in a parallel universe.

Because being with her was like being in heat.

* * *

**Yeah, sorry. This story has a lot going on in it. Look, it's just describing my emotions, which is why it's doing that. If you guys don't like it, then I'll seriously take it down. **

**So if you really want, can you review? I mean, you don't have to. I promise I won't like yell at you or be pissed off at you if you do. Because I'm not mad at you guys. And writing this made me feel better. **

**So yay. Anyway, bye!**


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